changes unstoppable
I am further dilated: steady progress of a centimeter a week for the past couple of weeks. That puts me at almost 3 cm - said my doctor at this afternoon’s visit. She says there’s a good chance it’s soon now, maybe even within a week.
I feel like it’s soon now but I can’t quite tell if that’s just wishful thinking on my part. Because it’s mighty uncomfortable even just to walk around the house. Basically: I want to drive just to go to the bathroom. And I have to go a lot. I know, I know: really bad for the environment. But my car has such a comfy driver’s seat! Supports a pregnant body in all the right places.
I have all kinds of worries about childbirth, of course. About things that could go wrong, that is. Pain: I figure it passes, it’s got an expiration date. But what if the baby gets an infection or gets hurt somehow? It turns out I’m GBS positive so they’ll have to watch that at the hospital. The chance of an infection is very small, especially given that I’ll be getting antibiotics during labor (standard procedure if you test GBS positive). But the chance isn’t zero. And my high-strung pregnant brain keeps focusing on the not-zero part.
And then there’s my dog, B. How will B. react to the new baby? I’m heavily anthropomorphizing this animal, I’m sure. Or maybe not: I think he really and actually has feelings. He’s quite soulful and we are his family too. He loves us. Like just now, he brought me his smelly fake bone toy, the one he’s been chewing on for the last half hour, and placed it right next to my thigh, waiting for me to pick it up. Is that not a sign of love?
Then there’s the way he starts jumping up and down and barking funny when A. kisses me. Sometimes I get the feeling A. starts kissing me partly to piss off B. and make him jump up and down and bark funny because it’s… well, it’s funny. But B. loves A. too: he gets all listless when A. has to travel. You get the idea, right? So I hope his feelings won’t be too hurt. I’ve read up on introducing newborns to pets, and will try to make B. feel like the baby’s another one of those humans he discovered at the door and admitted into his family.
But we’re not quite at that point yet. Right now, life’s all about waiting for this huge thing, this thing called labor, to start happening for real.
